Archive for category jew

SMBFS, #3 – An outline of our reality show.

Jul 22

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, jew, musing, smbfs | 1 Comment

The following conversations took place over a few days, mostly via text or email.

J: Seriously, could I date anyone more dramatic?

Me: He could be on The Hills.

J: We should have our own TV show, a Jewish reality show.

Me: Yesssssssss. Can we call it The Shtetl?

J: Nah, too retro. Let’s call it The Island.

Me: I like it. Survivor meets The Kardashians. I’ll allow it.

Me: I thought of some great ideas for our reality show. I can’t wait to come to Chi-town and harass all the unsuspecting locals.
Me: Can I pull off Chi-town? Or does it sound too white coming from me?

J: Yesssss! And no, not too white at all.

She lies.

I can’t wait to go visit the bestie in Chicago! Methinks Labor Day weekend? I think she and I need some sort of meetup a few times a year, but it needs to be expanded to include other cities. Like…Charlotte is boring. She’s only been here a few times but pretty sure we’ve done ALL there is to do. I’m ready to move. *angelic smile*

A case for vegetarianism.

Feb 5

Posted by Sharky in deep, jew, musing, the reads | No Comments

Listen, I like chicken crescents as much as the next cat (chicken, cheese, onion stuffed inside Pillsbury crescents, it’s amazing). And I never thought I’d be someone who would actively promote NOT EATING MEAT. Break out the Doc Martens and buy me a Home Depot gift card, we have a newborn vegan lesbian on our hands. Or something.

If you have even a sliver of a heart, how can you not be a vegetarian? I’ve always had issues with meat. I think there’s all kinds of shit in it that causes all kinds of other shit (hello, 8-year-old girls getting their periods and uhh, autism, have we met?). Not to mention dairy products, but cheese is so delicious. I’ll come back to that one another time.

Can you please watch? Don’t even try to make a case for eating meat. Stop lying to yourself. There are plenty of other sources of protein that are just as tasty (nom nom nom, peanut butter!)

Your Local Factory Farm

You know that phrase, “You are what you eat”??? Well, you’re diseased and tortured. Enjoy your KFC.

And I know you all know I’m reading JSF’s Eating Animals

Yes, of course it’s amazing, because of course he’s a genius. And OF COURSE it all makes sense.

Eating Animals

Never posted this….thingy from FB….

Jun 23

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, jew, musing, wedding | No Comments

Since I’ve been tagged a couple of times in the “random 25″ that’s going around, I’ll go ahead and make one! Yay!

1) I’m a Jew. I keep kosher. I will have a Jewish wedding and raise my children as Jews. Judaism is one of the best things in my life.

2) I’m a dancer. I’ve danced since I was 3-years-old. I’ve been to workshops around the world, danced on Broadway, been on tour, competed, danced in college, professionally, and now I own a studio. It’s a passion, but unfortunately one I can’t participate in forever. Youth has an expiration date.

3) I love to read and write. I was an English major and love modern American fiction. Give me Jonathan Safran-Foer and Philip Roth over stuffy Virginia Woolf any day.

4) My parents and sister are the bomb. They are my favorite people and honestly I would count them as some of my best friends. Even though we’re not terribly alike, we do get each other.

5) I have lived in Texas, Germany, and North Carolina. Texas will always be my home. I’m a super-proud Longhorn and bleed burnt orange! Everyone knows the best grls are from TEXAS.

6) Israel and Austin, Texas are tied for my favorite places in the world. And I have been a lot of places.

7) I lose respect for people with poor spelling and grammar. Please learn. It makes people think you’re stupid.

8) Shane and I have a maltipoo named Mac. He is cute.

9) In case you couldn’t tell from the pet name, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is my favorite. TV. Show. Ever.

10) Shane and I have been together since October 2004. If you don’t count a few breakups. Digging through stuff today, I found all these poems, journal entries, etc. You never know what the future will hold.

11) I am one of the only people I know who can honestly say I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!

12) I love blogs too. Dooce, Dlisted, PostSecret, and of course SharkySpeaks.

13) I voted for Bush AND Obama. And to be honest, I can’t believe I’m so old that I have voted in two elections.

14) I weighed 110 in college and thought I was a cow. What I wouldn’t give to weigh that now!

15) Since high school, I have made friends with people I was never friendly with back then. And have lost touch with the people I thought I’d always know. Funny how life works out.

16) I have kept in touch with many college (esp dance team) friends. They were my family for those years. And we always pick up right where we left off.

17) I hope to one day live off only chocolate and wine. Oh wait, I do that now.

18) I’m the slowest runner, swimmer, athlete ever. But I love to play sports and exercise. Regardless of my lack of speed, I sweat like an obese grandmama on her first round on the treadmill.

19) No matter my falters, fears, doubts about being good enough or capable of making someone else happy or being made happy, I WILL marry my college sweetheart this fall. He is the ONLY person who knows the real me, and we have grown up together.

20) I suffer from severe and chronic depression. It’s not so terrible. You get good drugs. People from my past are probably like “ohhhh yeah that explains a lot.”

21) I have never had a cavity. Knock on wood.

22) This year, I will be a homeowner. WTF.

23) My friends have continually brought me back to life when I’ve been down. And I would never hesitate to be there for them.

24) 24 is my lucky number. It has always treated me right. I got my job on October 24th, and it is on State Rd. 24. And we had already set our wedding date for the following October 24th.

25) I would rather stay in, eat pizza and drink beer, and crawl into bed at 8:30 than go out. And I usually do.

One year later…

Jun 23

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, jew, musing, wedding | 2 Comments

One year ago today, I returned from a little place called Israel. I loved every second of the time I spent there. You can read more about it in the archives.

Yep, hiked all the way thru that canyon and up the side.

I’ll never forget the friends and memories I made while I was there…and more importantly, feeling such a strong connection with the place itself. I can’t wait to go back! It actually pains me that it’s been so long. And believe me, I’d be living there already if the election had turned out differently. It’s such an important nation and I’m so greatful to my Israeli army friends for protecting it…they don’t realize the significance of the work they do. We in the Diaspora thank you!

A year ago I boarded a flight in Tel Aviv and flew into NYC. I made a mad dash throughout JFK to catch my connecting flight leaving in twenty minutes back to Charlotte. I made it (after cutting every single line imaginable). Shane picked me up. I was very sunburned, thanks 6 hours on the beach!

Shane took me to Mountain Island Lake that evening….

…where he asked me to be his wife.

I said yes….

And even though I was delirious from being awake for over 24 hours, even though it started raining in the middle of his proposal, even though we’ve had rocky times and weathered more obstacles than many will in their marriages, I knew I was making the right decision.

Read the article cited below by Mark Regnerus. He’s right. It was simply affection. We’re getting married for all the right reasons on October 24th and I can’t wait to marry my best friend and the love of my life.

In the words of Jerry Maguire and Austin Powers, “you complete me.”

Sorry, things were getting too sappy there for a minute!

Oh. My. God. Pun. Intended.

Jun 13

Posted by Sharky in god, jew, musing, the reads | No Comments

How did I not know about Christopher Hitchens before now? He is amazing.

I’m only about halfway through his book but it is in.cred.i.ble!

Here are some quotes I dog-eared to get us started…..

“How much vanity must be concealed-not too effectively at that-in order to pretend that one is the personal object of a divine plan? How much self respect must be sacrificed in order that one may squirm continually in an awareness of one’s own sin? How many needless assumptions must be made, and how much contoriton is required, to receive every new insight of science and manipulate it so as to “fit” with the revealed words of ancient man-made deities? How many saints and miracles and councils and conclaves are required in order first to be able to establish a dogma and then-after infinite pain and loss and absurdity and cruelty-to be forced to rescind one of those dogmas? God did not create man in his own image. Evidently, it was the other way about, which is the painless explanation for the profusion of gods and religions, and the fratricide both between and among faiths, that we see all about us and that has so retarded the development of civilization.” (Page 8….hahahahhahah that’s only Page 8, folks).

A note on that. Seriously. Is your life so empty….nay, is your brain so empty that you can’t accept SCIENTIFIC FACT of evolution? Religion is a crutch for the WEAK. I know you’re thinking, “But Christa, you’re a Jew!” Yes, that’s true. But I recognize that this is my religion, and lucky for me, reform Judaism allows me to maintain culture and tradition while believing whatever the hell I want. I keep kosher, we sometimes go to temple, we definitely observe high holidays, but yeah. I get it. Religion FUELS hatred. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD?! READ THE NEWS PEOPLE!!! Google that shit. And also, take your meds.

Ok. Next.

“The level of intensity [of religion] fluctuates according to time and place, but it can be stated as a truth that religion does not, and in the long run cannot, be content with its own marvelous claims and sublime assurances. It must seek to interfere with the lives of nonbelievers, or heretics, or adherents of other faiths. It may speak about the bliss of the next world, but wants POWER in this one. This is only to be expected. It is, after all, wholly man-made. And it does not have the confidence in its own various preachings even to allow coexistence between different faiths” (Page 17).

YEAH, LEAVE ME ALONE. GET OVER IT, I DON’T BELIEVE IN JESUS. AND NEITHER DOES THE MAJORITY OF THE WORLD. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN HEAVEN, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN HELL, AND ANY GOD IN HEAVEN WHO WOULD SENTENCE THE MAJORITY OF THE WORLD TO ETERNAL DAMNATION FOR NOT BELIEVING IN HIS “SON” IS DEFINITELY NOT A GOD I WANT TO BE AROUND. YOU’RE ALL CRAZY!

Ok final quote from this portion.

“One must state it plainly. Religion comes form the period of human prehistory where nobody-not even the mighty Democritus who concluded that all matter was made from atoms-had the smallest idea what was going on. It comes from the bawling and fearful INFANCY of our species, and is a babyish attempt to meet our inescapable demand for knowledge (as well as for comfort, reassurance, and other infantile needs). Today the least educated of my children knows much more about the natural order than any of the founders of religion, and one would like to think-though the connection is not a fully demonstrable one-that this is why they seem so uninterested in sending fellow humans to hell” (Page 64).

Ok. Yeah. Well. Like I said, I’m not good at articulating my feelings on the subject because honestly it gets my blood boiling, how ignorant most people can be. Grow up. GAH!

Too old for this s-h-i-t!!!!

Apr 13

Posted by Sharky in house, jew, mac | No Comments

So uh. We have this coffee table. In our living room. A coffee table that is as big as a regular table. And naturally Mac likes to run circles around it… who wouldn’t?! So I’m chasing Mac around various rooms and he starts to run around the coffee table, the coffee table that is as big as a regular table, and I decide to cut him off at the pass and jump ONTO and OVER the table. However….I forget I’m wearing my badass slippers I got in Amsterdam, the ones that look like clogs. I jump onto the table, and promptly slip and crash the entire right side of my body (hip, knee, rib cage, ouch) into the table and crumple onto the floor like a piece of paper. I did this with such force that my books actually flew off the table and onto the floor and the glass of wine I had been drinking slid across and skidded to a halt at the VERY edge, thank God. And yeah, basically I’m too old for this shit. I’s a-gonna feel that tomorrow. Shane was like, “Well yeah, stupid, it’s not like you’re 22 anymore!”…correct. I’ll be 24 a week from today! My lucky number! Anyways. So it hurt, I mean, I took a bigger spill than Natasha Richardson….oooo, too soon? Probs.

I also made these Kosher for Passover matzah brownies which smell and taste like shit. Oh, and look like. Yeah, the little girl I babysit? It looks like I opened up her diaper, tossed it in the (included!) tinfoil pan, and baked it. Friggin nastayyy. I ain’t eatin it. I’d rather starve, which will probably put me in a large lead for my company’s Biggest Loser competition. Who doesn’t love a dose of self-prescribed anorexia?!

Ok, that’s all, I’m off to eat some eggs (my congenitally high cholesterol is positively SKYROCKETING during Passover….all I have been eating is eggs and potatoes).

WTF is my camera cord?…and other things.

Apr 7

Posted by Sharky in house, jew, musing | 1 Comment

You’re not seeing any awesome pictures of a) our new house, b) the cutest new journal I found, and c) my latest etsy purchases because I CAN’T FIND MY CAMERA CORD. One of the many pains-in-my-ass of moving. But not as big a pain in the ass as living in an apartment.

The new house is so quiet. Mac loves running around, playing upstairs (and let’s not forget making his mark by pooping in every room, oy). It’s nice and dark at night…perfect since I need pitch-black and complete silence to sleep. I’ve gotten most of the boxes unpacked. Just a couple more, plus some suitcases and we’ll be done. Passover is this Wednesday, and I’m trying to incorporate the requisite spring cleaning with the move-in.

Shane and I are hosting our second annual seder in Charlotte, and I can’t wait for my goy friends (um, love yall!) to experience it. Pesach is my favorite holiday. I love everything about the seder. Plus, it’s the perfect excuse to be on a no-carb diet (Jews cannot eat leavened bread during Passover).

Hoping to find that camera cord and post some pics soon. Until then you’ll have to stare at my blank backdrop, with nothing but my unfailing wit and flawless grammar & spelling to entertain you. My bad!

Trick-or-treat mania???

Jan 30

Posted by Sharky in jew, musing | 4 Comments

Who here has heard of trichotillomania? Well since I’ve divulged just about everything regarding my life here, I might as well tell you that besides chronic depression, I also (on a daily, nay…hourly, nay…minutely? basis) battle the inane desire to PULL OUT MY OWN HAIR. And the weird part is, I don’t even realize I’m doing it. I do it subconcsiously. Spend enough time around me and you’ll notice. You also might notice Shane slap my hand away from my hair. And then I consequently punch him in the face for slapping my hand. It’s hard to miss, really. Back when I first told him about it when I was oh, 19 or so, I’m not sure he thought Trich was a real thing…he giggled and said, “You have trick-or-treat mania?!” I wish! Candy year round?!

It’s regarded as similar to Tourette’s Syndrome in the regard that it is medical and not psychological. Hence, my anti-depressant drugs do nothing for it. Just as Tourette’s patients compulsively curse, spasm, etc. with little awareness of the fact that they’re doing so, hair-pulling is similar. One notable difference is that Trich is also regarded as a self-mutilation disease, like cutting, burning, choose-your-own-mutilation here. I hope they get drugs for it soon.

Until then, while I’m trying to grow my hair out, I wear it back in a bandanna. Not at work or out or anything, just at home. An homage to Orthodox Judaism? you ask. Nein. Just tryin to get some long locks. I’m already skinny, so I gotta work on something else.

Speaking of skinny, one of my very close friends recently had gastric bypass. She is thrilled with the results so far, but lack of protein makes your hair fall out. Her sister told her she was getting a thin spot on her head. My response? We’re twins!