Just a little something I thought could help people out this time of year. Of course these are only my opinions (and hence facts) but here we go:
1) Fake candles in the windows – this is by far the tackiest accessory of the Christmas season. Whenever I take Mac on walks I go by at least three houses with these riddled on the front face. Can’t stand em. It does not look good.
2) Light-up reindeer on the lawn – also tacky.
3) Anything of the blow-up variety – do I really need to say anything here? There’s a house in our neighborhood that has a blow-up something-or-other on their lawn every. single. holiday. They recently took down the turkey to put up the Santa. Oy.
4) Luminaria – discouraged unless required by your HOA.
5) String lights haphazardly tossed in trees – please, get a professional to do it. If it looks like you had a seizure and threw your hand (which happened to be holding xmas lights) in the air all “Shazam!”-like, not cool.
Other than that, I’m totally into the CHRISTmas spirit (people on Facebook do this, as in…Merry CHRISTmas…or I actually saw a status that said, “You can take the Christ out of Christmas but you can’t take the Christ out of me!”). Ugh.
My mom has begged me not to talk politics at the family get-together tomorrow. Hey, I won’t bring it up, but if anyone of my gun-wielding hardcore Republican relatives gets cocky, I’m puttin em in their place. I’m a loud-mouthed bitch and this is why my mother loves me, even if she doesn’t realize it.
Merry CHRISTmas, sluts.

Jessi, you would like.




