Sharky Speaks

to insanity…and beyond!

Archive for category charlotte

Dog shit and throw up and vomit on the walls…

Jul 23

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, mac, musing, tmi | 2 Comments

That tag line is sung to the tune of The Sound of Music’s “My Favorite Things.”  You’re welcome!

Seriously.  Not joking anymore.  The dogs, they haz issues.  I like to come home from work at lunchtime to take the lil boys on a short walk and let em do they bidness. 

But.  Unfortunately.  However.  I come home to Mac (who is secluded in our bedroom and is known to make pillow forts on our bed during the day) who has shat in the corner.   Charlie is still a puppy and is thus crated in the master bath.  He has had explosive shit, rolled in it, and has shaken it off – which sprays out the vents to all over the bathroom. 

Cue me.  It takes me approx 12 minutes to drive home so I have about a half hour to spare.  It’s going to take me so much longer than that to even bring myself to realize I need to clean this [quite literal] shit up. 

Brink of tears. 

I begrudgingly get the cleaner, throw Charlie’s crate blankets in the wash, scrub up Mac’s carpet poop.  Whilst I’m doing so, SOMEONE has vomited TWICE in the living room.  I say this like I think one of them is gonna fess up via blog. 

I cry.

I clean up vomit. I now reek of dog shit and vomit and sweat and need to go back to work.  I lock up the dogs.

I have to work late to make up the extra half hour I took at lunch to clean up dog mess.  I come home….there is more vomit.  The Ster cleans it up, God bless ‘im. 

Mac shits in a corner.  Fuck my life.

The shitterz, they iz worth it?  Mmmk.

SMBFS, #3 – An outline of our reality show.

Jul 22

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, jew, musing, smbfs | 1 Comment

The following conversations took place over a few days, mostly via text or email. 

J: Seriously, could I date anyone more dramatic?

Me:  He could be on The Hills.

J:  We should have our own TV show, a Jewish reality show.

Me:  Yesssssssss.  Can we call it The Shtetl?

J: Nah, too retro.  Let’s call it The Island.

Me:  I like it.  Survivor meets The Kardashians.  I’ll allow it.

Me:  I thought of some great ideas for our reality show.  I can’t wait to come to Chi-town and harass all the unsuspecting locals.
Me:  Can I pull off Chi-town?  Or does it sound too white coming from me?

J:  Yesssss!  And no, not too white at all.

She lies. 

I can’t wait to go visit the bestie in Chicago!  Methinks Labor Day weekend?  I think she and I need some sort of meetup a few times a year, but it needs to be expanded to include other cities.  Like…Charlotte is boring.  She’s only been here a few times but pretty sure we’ve done ALL there is to do.  I’m ready to move. *angelic smile*

Overhaul

Jul 16

Posted by Sharky in booze, charlotte, dance, musing | No Comments

New features, new layout, new style – in theory.  First and foremost I need to figure out how to work with some of this stuff.  I’m thinking finally sucking it up and getting Thesis.

Gonna need some wine for this one. 

In other news, I have some fun characters at my new job.  I know Sir Slacksalot is sorely missed so I did my damnedest to bring you these little gems.

Oldie von Holy – late 50s/early 60s lady in the cubicle next to me. Works Christianity into every conversation.  Insists Obama is Muslim.  Lives in the country and doesn’t come into Charlotte, according to her – even though I work (you guessed it) in Charlotte.  Ohhhhkay.

Jersey – We’ll call him this ’cause well…he’s from Jersey.  Not your stereotypical guido though.  Black, metro, pushing 40, has a long distance gf (wtf) back in Jersey.  Works (you guessed it) Jersey into every conversation.  Like him, but c’mon – it’s JERSEY.

So we had to come up with this team name, like the whole company does in each specific mini-department.  I came up with a fabulous name, which everyone loved except Oldie.  It was Paradigm.  She didn’t want to be known as setting the standard, because it would “come back n bite us in the ass.”  Please.  I AM the Paradigm. 

So Jersey came up with the next catchy (albeit hokey) name – Checks R Us.  Cute…but c’mon.  Paradigm is way better.  Stupid ‘has to be unanimous’ voting.  I got an IM from a team member saying “I like yours better.”  damn straight. 

And now I’m on team Checks R Us.  Just put me out of my misery, puh-lease.

But there are worse things than a cheesy team name.  For instance, working.  I swear to God, as soon as I pay off student loans, credit card, etc. I’m babysitting part time and working on a novel.   JUST YOU TRY AND STOP ME.

Oh!  And I’m teaching dance again finally – at a studio near the house.  Um.  Dance is very different in the Carolinas.  It’s not edgy at all.  Nobody cares about being a GOOD dancer and keeping up with current styles.  Let’s keep it wholesome for the Xtians, ladies.  No two-piece costumes, none of that “street dancing,” aka what they call real hip-hop here.  Hip-hop is “funky jazz.”  Good God. 

I was bouncin around the cube farm today and Jersey asked if I was dancing.  I said that yes, I was throwin down some Harlem Shake:

Is that something you might be interested in?

Jun 22

Posted by Sharky in booze, charlotte, house, musing | 1 Comment

We had a wine tasting – nay…guzzling – nay, just a tasting, can’t lie.  Twas last Friday with my white-gloves-wearin’ friends aka Junior League small group.  Good times were had; it was completely blind and we used the ‘easy’ score sheet.  I had to use it for the exclamation points alone: “I don’t really care for this wine!” gets one point. 

 

 

 

 

We all brought 2 bottles of the same wine and set one aside for the winnings.  The people who brought the winning wine took home ALL THE BOTTLES.  And we didn’t manage to rig it (damn). 

Allow me to introduce you to the winning wine….

You know you have been in North Carolina too long when NASCAR table wine is the best around.  Triple oy.

And you’ll notice on the sidebar, chickadees, that ‘booze’ now has its own category.  I mean, if god has one… um, what?

Any of yall watch Entourage?  The character Bob?  “Is that something you might be interested in?”  Hulu it.

Well after a very crummy day (week, month), I emailed Shane and told him I wasn’t sure what time I’d make it out of the office.  His response?  “I’m happy to tell you there are a dozen or so half-empty bottles of leftover wine waiting for you.  Is that something you might be interested in?”  Ah, that Shanester.  He knows just the right thing to make a girl say ”hell yes!”

Stay tuned, because there are more stories – like how I’ll be famous by-proxy when LiLu scores a sweet gig at MTV.  Follow herz on Twittah.  www.twitter.com/livitluvit

Oh, and also, classless women.  God why are there sooooo many classless women stories?  Why are you all so foul?  I hate you all.

Look what the Windy City blew into town!

Jun 13

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, musing, tmi | No Comments

Now for something truly exciting… I can talk about J’s visit from Chicago – it was great!   We got to catch up on gossip over wine, went to brunch at Zada Jane’s, then hit the gym and pool, had mimosas, went to get our nails done and go shopping, and then we all (me, J, Shanester) met some friends at Soul for some sushi and good conversation.  i.e. on the good conversation….desert island – you have everything you need as far as food, water, etc. plus a DVD player but you can only bring ONE movie – what would it be?  J’s answer? Everything is Illuminated.  Mine? Forrest Gump.  Shane’s?  Shawshank Redemption.  The waiter’s?  The Shining.  Nice.

What about yall?  What ONE movie would you bring?  Do tell.

The thing about Jeanette is – I’ve known her since we were three years old.  Yes, we are very different, in many different ways.  But that doesn’t change our fierce loyalty to one another.  It’s great.  She’s there, in the back of my mind and I know I can pick up the phone and call.  And vice versa.  Whether she’s crying as a bridesmaid in my wedding or bitching about lost loves, she’s pure and simply a true and best friend.  And for that, I am so grateful.  Cheesefest, I know.

Now that’s one picture I’ll never be metaphorically burning! :o)

Hello and welcome!

Jun 4

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, movies, musing, travel | No Comments

We’ve been busy lately.  Spesh yours truly.

My parents came to visit for Memorial Day weekend.  We attended Speed Street aka Trashfest 2010 – seriously.  It was gross.  But we got these amazing coke zero handles that attach to cans….cause yknow, I hate it when my hand gets cold from holding a can o’coke!  It works kinda like this but it’s red and weird lookin’:

Nice, huh? 

On Sunday we went to Common Market (yum) for lunch and then to the NASCAR Hall of Fame, which was actually pretty cool.   We had plans to trek to Asheville for the day on Monday but due to inclement weather (a monsoon, really), that didn’t pan out.  We watched movies all day – Knocked Up, A Mighty Heart, Inglourious Basterds.

Their visit was great, really.  It was only their second trip to the casa and we all enjoyed it.

On Tuesday Bethany was making her way from DC to Dallas and stopped for the night – we caught up on each others’ lives and ate some yummy sushi!

Wednesday included dinner at M5 with my JL small group and then to see SATC2.  It has to be said, every single preview at the movie was better than the actual movie.  It was horribly offensive in so many ways.  And all the same old shit.  Plus it should be called Old Sluts and the Retirement Home by now.  Jesus.

And now…for the piece d’resistance…. J is coming for a fantabulous visit and girls’ weekend!  I can’t wait!

I hope we get into trouble…

Project Happiness

May 28

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, musing | No Comments

Back to blogging.  I’ve been really depressed lately cause I haven’t been able to express myself, which has never really been a problem.

Er, I  mean…it’s always been a problem.  Something.

And I’ve been told the other blog sucks and is cheesy.  I agree.  So I hate it.

Ready to focus on myself and my life and what I want.  I mean I always do but now I want to put it all down, put it all out there.  I’m ready for Mary’s Joy Equation – I’ve always been bad at math so my focus is going to be Project Happiness.

Time for inspiration and a month of fabulous (psych) me.  Um….can that month be June?

Quarter-life crisis.

May 6

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, money, the reads, tmi | No Comments

Seriously. It’s time to get up off my ass and get serious. I’ve been bouncing around these meaningless jobs for far too long and I’m just sick of it.
What would I do if money weren’t a factor? If staying in Charlotte weren’t a factor (snort)? If I could do anything?

The answer used to be dance. Sadly, I’m 25 and the talent has piqued. While I can certainly still teach, Broadway is no longer a viable option. I know, and I was thisclose!

It’s simple. Write. It’s what I’ve always done, even as a kid. I have probably…between 20 and 30 journals. That’s over one per year! I would go to some fabulous grad school program and spend all my time writing.

I was reading (in Costco Magazine, no less) Emily Giffin’s recent interview, in which she stated that she practiced law even though she was unhappy because she didn’t think writing was a realistic option.  Well, hmm.  Turned out…it was.  So I’m done wasting my time when I know what I want to do.  Articles are being written and are on their way to magazine submission and (I don’t care how long it takes) publication. 

I don’t care how many hours I have to babysit, teach dance, whatever it takes.  Apparently the working world does NOT inspire me since I did NOT write a single lick of legitimate fiction while working at that last dump.   And I’m sooooo f’ing sick of blogging, oy.  It’s gotta go.

I’m on a mission, people.   So if you don’t hear from me in awhile…it’s not cause I’m dead.

And Dad?  Remember that time you told me that I’d never write a bestselling novel?  You will EAT THOSE WORDS, my friend.

Wedding montages/love stories.

Apr 2

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, video, wedding | No Comments

The episode of The Office with Jim and Pam’s wedding was on tonight.  I will never ever tire of watching the final scene.  And will cry like a little girl every time, mind you.  It’s pretty hard to top:

But ours comes pretty darn close. I might even give us the over.

Christa + Shane from Altared Weddings on Vimeo.

Blog mother FAIL.

Apr 1

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, musing, pic, the reads | No Comments

I’ve been neglecting my poor Sharky blog. 

So this one time I completely ruined the blog and thought I had it erased it forever (thank God for Bluehost support) and I took out some of the photo files while doing so. 

Going through and finding the appropes pictures – I’ve fixed some bach party posts (cause I think everybody wants to see that) and some other fun-stuff posts – but be patient while I try to salvage my behbeh.

I just realized I have to also go through and UNpassword protect a lot of entries that are harmless, like my trip to Israel and um..the whole year of 2008.  Well, and – I don’t need to remind you that if you don’t like what you’re reading, just go back to your life without MY blog. Jesus Christ.

I have some fun happenings going on and a LOT to say, so stay tuned.

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