Sharky Speaks

to insanity…and beyond!

Archive for category deep

Tonight? Close your eyes.

Jul 27

Posted by Sharky in dance, deep, musing, tmi | 2 Comments

Thanks to LiLu, I was introduced to a band I’d never hear of otherwise.  Until they blow up bigtime, that is.  It’s Redline Addiciton.  They’re in the DC area and let’s face it – I don’t make it that way too often (but will for the first time in 6 months, for the big Night Out this coming Saturday).

After some friendly banter via Twitter, I got harassed into buying their album.  But I’m glad I did.

Dancing, while still my very first and only true passion, is a rarity for me these days.  There are no college teams when you’re 25.  Um – the studios in Carolina?  Are not ready for me.  And I don’t like toning down style to fit what the mommies think their lil angels should be doing.  Or being nice to their lil angels.  But that’s neither here nor there.  Point is, I don’t get to dance that often.  And rarely does inspiration strike these days – how can it with the Gagas and Beibers of the world blasting on our radios?  That’s not to say I don’t enjoy a good rockout to Alejandro, but it doesn’t exactly move me.

Now – as a contemporary dancer (who likes a splash of hip-hop as well), I was inspired by Redline Addiction’s “Difficult to Dream,” for many reasons.

For so many months, years, and thanks largely in part to The Job Which Shall Not Be Named, I didn’t sleep.  Like…ever.  The wheels stayed turning all.night.long.  That was also a symptom of my depression (which, as loyal readers know, I’ve battled for well over a decade).  I practically needed horse tranquilizers to pass the f out.  I’m happy to say I’ve been off meds for several months now, but I still remember what it’s like.  I mean, c’mon.  It’s nearly midnight and I’m writing a post about not sleeping.  It’s starting again.

One thing I love about the night is it’s the only time I get to myself.  Everything’s quiet and I get to be alone with my thoughts.  I can watch whatever on TV or just write or read in peace.  Don’t get me wrong – I love the chaos of my life (Aries, remember?).  But the chaos makes me more grateful for the peace.

That’s why I love the lyrics to this song, and why they make me want to dance.  For so long I knew what it was like to be the girl in the song.  I still do, really.  You’ll need to purchase it on iTunes to hear it, but I hope they don’t mind if I post the chorus.

Hey tonight
Close your eyes
Fall asleep now
Cause if you’re wide awake my dear
If you’re wide awake my dear
It’s difficult to dream

That doesn’t even begin to cover the way I connect to the lyrics (wish I could post them all, but just buy the song!).  So now – a collaboration.  A contemporary dance by yours truly to the music of Redline Addiction.  The guys are stoked, I’m stoked.  Everyone’s stoked.

And it’s gonna rock, boom, blam.

Star cross’d lovers.

Jul 21

Posted by Sharky in deep, musing, pic | No Comments

The days seem packed but they aren’t really.  It’s like if my life were a diner, I’d walk in and order the same ol’ shit every morning. 

Wake up, hurriedly shower and toss on some makeup and whatever work clothes I didn’t don the day before, race (the whole five miles) to work.  work-work-work-work-lunch-work-work-work-work.  Although luckily my day is broken up by fun conversations with coworkers – things like astrological signs.

Jersey says he knew I was an Aries the first time he met me, because I’m a “spitfire” and “don’t take any crap.”  True and TRUE.   My temper is uncontrollable, though I’m not really sure if that’s indicative of my being born in the house of Mars or in the arms of my father – he’s a Pisces so he’s supposed to be calm, cool, collected – which of course is the case most of the time.

It takes a lot to truly blow my fuse these days and as I’ve said before, I’m not nearly as vengeful as I used to be.  Oh man.  You know how [in movies] people say they’ll destroy somebody?  That’s what I – well, we really – J and I – did.  It’s not hard.  Especially since I have the memory of an elephant and can tuck away fabulous details in the back of my mind.  And/or have excruciatingingly incriminating photos of people.  That helps too.  Why do you think I carry a camera?  Ok, kidding.  But really, it does help.

But my sharp tongue still gets me in trouble…not really trouble per say, but once you get older you have to watch what you say – people are less forgiving.  And while I don’t care what society in general thinks of me, the one thing I don’t want to do is hurt people I truly care about.

Profile of the stereotypical Aries…(via Twittascope)

The headstrong Ram won’t be found sitting on the sidelines. As the first sign of the zodiac, your sign represents the confident and courageous leader, the determined innovator. Ruled by action-oriented Mars, this bold and impulsive Fire sign is always on the move in search of the latest thrill. But in order to lead, you’ll need others to follow, which will be hard to come by unless you can learn to keep your arrogance in check.

Um…check, check, check.

Just for kicks, let’s look at Shaney’s.

Just as the surefooted mountain goat feels most at ease in high altitudes, calculating Capricorn knows it belongs at the top of the ladder. Ruled by hardworking Saturn, you tend to find pleasure in planning and practicality, with your sights fixed permanently on success. For you business-minded beings, accomplishing one task is a welcomed opportunity to jump right into another — the Goat lives for the chance to climb higher and climb harder than all the rest.

I can’t tell you how these fit us to an absolute T.  Hilarious. 

Um, for the astrological compatibility ratings?  Capricorn/Aries got ZERO STARS.

I guess opposites really do attract!

Look what the Windy City blew into town!

Jun 13

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, musing, tmi | No Comments

Now for something truly exciting… I can talk about J’s visit from Chicago – it was great!   We got to catch up on gossip over wine, went to brunch at Zada Jane’s, then hit the gym and pool, had mimosas, went to get our nails done and go shopping, and then we all (me, J, Shanester) met some friends at Soul for some sushi and good conversation.  i.e. on the good conversation….desert island – you have everything you need as far as food, water, etc. plus a DVD player but you can only bring ONE movie – what would it be?  J’s answer? Everything is Illuminated.  Mine? Forrest Gump.  Shane’s?  Shawshank Redemption.  The waiter’s?  The Shining.  Nice.

What about yall?  What ONE movie would you bring?  Do tell.

The thing about Jeanette is – I’ve known her since we were three years old.  Yes, we are very different, in many different ways.  But that doesn’t change our fierce loyalty to one another.  It’s great.  She’s there, in the back of my mind and I know I can pick up the phone and call.  And vice versa.  Whether she’s crying as a bridesmaid in my wedding or bitching about lost loves, she’s pure and simply a true and best friend.  And for that, I am so grateful.  Cheesefest, I know.

Now that’s one picture I’ll never be metaphorically burning! :o)

Project Happiness

May 28

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, musing | No Comments

Back to blogging.  I’ve been really depressed lately cause I haven’t been able to express myself, which has never really been a problem.

Er, I  mean…it’s always been a problem.  Something.

And I’ve been told the other blog sucks and is cheesy.  I agree.  So I hate it.

Ready to focus on myself and my life and what I want.  I mean I always do but now I want to put it all down, put it all out there.  I’m ready for Mary’s Joy Equation – I’ve always been bad at math so my focus is going to be Project Happiness.

Time for inspiration and a month of fabulous (psych) me.  Um….can that month be June?

Quarter-life crisis.

May 6

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, money, the reads, tmi | No Comments

Seriously. It’s time to get up off my ass and get serious. I’ve been bouncing around these meaningless jobs for far too long and I’m just sick of it.
What would I do if money weren’t a factor? If staying in Charlotte weren’t a factor (snort)? If I could do anything?

The answer used to be dance. Sadly, I’m 25 and the talent has piqued. While I can certainly still teach, Broadway is no longer a viable option. I know, and I was thisclose!

It’s simple. Write. It’s what I’ve always done, even as a kid. I have probably…between 20 and 30 journals. That’s over one per year! I would go to some fabulous grad school program and spend all my time writing.

I was reading (in Costco Magazine, no less) Emily Giffin’s recent interview, in which she stated that she practiced law even though she was unhappy because she didn’t think writing was a realistic option.  Well, hmm.  Turned out…it was.  So I’m done wasting my time when I know what I want to do.  Articles are being written and are on their way to magazine submission and (I don’t care how long it takes) publication. 

I don’t care how many hours I have to babysit, teach dance, whatever it takes.  Apparently the working world does NOT inspire me since I did NOT write a single lick of legitimate fiction while working at that last dump.   And I’m sooooo f’ing sick of blogging, oy.  It’s gotta go.

I’m on a mission, people.   So if you don’t hear from me in awhile…it’s not cause I’m dead.

And Dad?  Remember that time you told me that I’d never write a bestselling novel?  You will EAT THOSE WORDS, my friend.

The Hills are alive…

Apr 27

Posted by Sharky in deep, musing, tmi | No Comments

So there’s been a marathon of The Hills on MTV for the past few days. The husband’s outta town, so I’m fueling up before the final season. Ok, I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t watching it while Shane was here. Let’s just say he spent a lot of time upstairs playing guitar. What?! It’s Da Heels!

I do have a question though — where do these girls learn how to do their hair and makeup? Or for that matter, where do any girls learn how to do it? I feel like it’s an innate ability, you either have the talent or you don’t. My sister does. I don’t.
I don’t even know what to do with my hair half the time, so I just cut it short after it grows too long and I freak out. The trich doesn’t help. AND I am getting a lot of gray hair lately…thanks, old lame company. So I’m finally gonna dye it. But just my natural color. It’s been looking faded and dull recently anyway.
I digress. Seriously. I know the people on this show have MTV makeup artists around whenever they want, but it SHOWS them doing their hair and makeup. So I know they know how to do it. Jeez. Maybe it’s just practice.

I was never much interested in doing my hair, makeup, nails as a kid so maybe that’s why I can’t do jack now. I painted my nails the other day and they look awesome —from far away. Up close they are a wreck. Also, the only thing I knew about makeup application was from dance performances, and let’s just say the baby prostitute look isn’t a good one for me.

Also, another digression. I know I haven’t posted lately. And that’s because I just haven’t been feeling it. I’ve been writing a LOT, but it’s nothing I want to put out in public. Yet. That’s not in novel form. Familiar with the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle? One aspect, the observer effect, is basically a theory that applies to this blog as well as reality TV. That which is being observed inherently changes its behavior. I’m writing for an audience I know exists, whereas in my journal/book/whatever you wanna call it, I’m just writingwritingwriting.
Truth be told, I don’t know if I’ve ever had this much ammunition or emotion to write as much as I have been lately. Now that I’m finally feeling not numb…well, I can feel. And it feels awesome and terrible and amazing all at the same time, and I’m filled with so much life that I’m going to explode! So I write.

Wise words

Mar 23

Posted by Sharky in deep, musing | No Comments

From the significant other of a high school friend, whom I recently met at a wedding in Houston.

“Sometimes there are just people we will never get along with.  And sometimes those people just happen to be related to us.  It’s just the way it works.”

Chew on that and swallow it.

Another good one from the comments posted on my scientific experiment – thanks Mary.

“It’s all about managing expectations.”

Say.

Mar 20

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, musing, tmi, video | No Comments

Eh, I figured – why protect anything?  Who cares?  I’m saying what I need to say.  “You know in the end it’s better to say too much than never to say what you need to again.”

Is it in you?

Feb 10

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, love, musing | No Comments

*UPDATE* THE PURPOSE OF A BLOG IS SO THAT PEOPLE WILL READ IT.  SOME PEOPLE CHOOSE TO BOTTLE UP ALL THEIR FEELINGS, I CHOOSE TO SHARE MINE WITH STRANGERS.  IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, DON’T READ IT.

Or, in the words of Taylor Swift – if you don’t want me to write mean things about you, maybe you should stop doing mean things.

Alright kiddies.  Get ready for some serious hatorade.

I wish my sister would, in the words of Rahm Emanuel (as played by Andy Samberg), grow the fuck up.  Stop living in your little fantasy world.  Yall ever seen In Her Shoes?  Or read the book?  Yeah, it’s like that, except I’m not fat.

I think the reason it gets my blood boiling is because I wish I had a sister I respected.  Or someone  whom I could actually believe shared my DNA.

She’s not the only one really getting under my skin, though.

I’m tired of putting effort into friendships that are just not there anymore.  Especially when I’m the only one putting in effort.  What’s the point?  I have friends I love and who love me.  Not everyone has to stay close.

It just makes you sad when you close a book and open a new one, you know?

My mom thinks I’m just unhappy.  But it’s quite the contrary.  I told Shane just last night that I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long LONG time.  Maybe it’s marriage, maybe it’s not working a slit-my-wrists job, or maybe it’s just coming to terms with life and what I want out of it.

But I’m happy.  And that’s  more than a lot of people can say.  So I guess the heart of life is good after all.

My husband hates JSF.

Feb 9

Posted by Sharky in charlotte, deep, mac, musing, pic, the reads | No Comments

I’m sure Shaney now officially loathes Jonathan Safran Foer, and not just because I think his astonishing brainpower makes him an überbabe.

Also, reading his book has simply reinforced everything I have always thought of the meat and dairy industries, NOT put thoughts in my head. But JSF puts it bluntly. How can you possibly keep eating meat knowing what you know? The Hubs keeps saying, “Ignorance is bliss,” but I say that ignorance is no excuse. Especially when you’re not in fact ignorant.

Ok, on to same topic but a bit more lighthearted. We’re (I’m) checking out Lakeview Farms for milk delivery.

So Hubs is on the phone with his sis last night, talking about how I’ve hired the local milkman and expressing his frustration (about the cost increase).  We did a double-blind taste-test and both chose the milkman’s milk, however.  While there’s relatively little difference in taste, it’s not about that.  So check out some of his quotes and our conversation.

Husband: I mean, yeah it’s double the cost.  Why?  I dunno, double because the cows lie around in hammocks.  And they milk each other.

Husband: According to my wife, many of the animals while on the line to slaughter defecate themselves in pain and terror.  Mmmmm, defecation.  What?  It gets rinsed off!  Listen, animals are delicious.

Me: Well, I got to talk to the president of the milk company.
Husband:  OOooooh, she talked to the president.  It’s clearly a small operation.
Me: …like 400 cows.

This caused him to be in tears laughing for five minutes.  I don’t know why.  I guess because I made it sound like the cows are employees?  Shrug.  Well they certainly don’t get medical benefits at most places.  EEO yall.

Also, yesterday was The Macker’s 2nd birthday!  Don’t worry, we didn’t throw a doggie bday party.  But he’s so cute :o)  Here he is sportin his performance fleece and napping on my bed at my parents’ house in Dallas (over the holidays).

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